So glad to be married.

Before I met my husband, I wasn’t sure if I was the type of person who could be happy in a marriage.  I left my mother’s home when I was 17 and moved into a one bedroom apartment on my own.  I had some people stay with me once in a while, but for the majority of the time, I lived by myself for five years.  I dated and loved and had parties and all of that other stuff that single people do sometimes.  But the best part?  The best part was that, at the end of the day, I could make everyone leave and I had all of that space (all ten square feet of it) all to myself.  I didn’t have to answer to anyone or answer the phone if I didn’t want to – it was great.  And, sure, sometimes I miss that freedom now that I’m married and a mother, but upon further review – I am SO glad to be married (happily, at that).

My sister-in-law has recently gone through an awful break-up and, listening to her tell stories day to day I am just so thankful that I am not dating today.  When I was a teenager, you could call the boy you had a crush on and hang up a million times a day – and he wouldn’t have a clue it was you.  If he didn’t call you back, you could come up with a million excuses for where he was and none of them were far fetched.   I mean, he could have just been outside, for chrissakes – I’m talking back in the dark ages before there were cordless phones!  There was no caller id, no email, no facebook.  I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that all of the technology, the instant access to anyone, anywhere hasn’t helped relations between men and women.  If anything, it has widened the divide between the two – exacerbating the problems that are inherent in our communication patterns.

Women tend to do little things to drive their men nuts.  Don’t lie, you’ve done it too.  You know that thing where you don’t answer the phone when you know he’s calling?  In particular when you’re out with the girls?   That drives him nuts.  And, guys?  That thing where you don’t actually tell her what you’re feeling?  Well, now you can blame on it the character limit on Twitter.  I think that the silence has to be deafening when your significant other knows you’re calling/emailing/texting and they don’t answer, because it’s a conscious choice not to talk to you.   Like a lot of women, I was always nervous and insecure and knowing that my boyfriend took 3 hours to compose an email to me instead of just having to speak to me in person would make  me a wreck.

Of course, I’m an outsider to this whole electronic world, so maybe I’m missing some wonderful secret that you’re all in on.  But, from the outside?  I don’t see anything great.  I like being able to talk to people and I like that technology has made it easy to reach out to people who are far away.  I don’t necessarily wish that we didn’t have these luxuries,  but I do wish that the younger generation of women in particular would learn to be more self-sufficient.  To have the constant prop of friends and family touching base with you doesn’t breed strength, it breeds dependence.

If you could give some advice to the younger women (or men) out there – or, maybe, if you could advise your younger self – what would it be?